But that’s not to say it’s engaging. While our track cars were further sportified with the $3,000 M Sport package (sport exhaust, a body kit), a $4,100 Autobahn package (active steering and a road-sensing suspension), and rode on a set of $1,300 20-inch M-sport wheels, we learned within the first few corners that the new 7 is no M6. Even with the active suspension in its most aggressive setting, the body heaves, pitches and dives as we struggle to keep up with BMW’s pro driver, who is tasked with showing us Monticello’s racing line in an X6 M. The new variable-ratio steering communicates a little but not a lot of what is happening beneath us, and by the end of our session, the brake pedal has gone disconcertingly soft. 

Remarkably, what it doesn’t do is put a foot wrong or understeer off the track; the 750i does everything we tell it to do — things that, in the real world, we suspect no one will ask it to ever do outside of a movie set — but as we exit each corner in the right place at the right speed, we sort of feel like we’re the last to know.

So it’s not a track car. Big surprise. If you want excitement, you’re probably not in the market for a 7-Series in the first place. Driven at sane speeds, the 7 is unflappably stable and mannerly, if none too communicative. Normal-speed cornering is flat and tilt-free, the better to allow rear seat passengers to enjoy the available dual screen entertainment system, massaging seats, or even get a mild shoulder/ab workout courtesy of a nifty BMW Vitality Program feature, which we can say from experience is best attempted on a long, straight highway, not a twisty two-laner. Rear passengers may also control most systems (that don’t drive the car, anyway) via a seven-inch tablet. Indeed, touch screens and information displays seem to be everywhere. Even the optional Display Key ($250) has a touch screen.

And for those with VIPs to scoot about, the $5,570 Rear Executive seating package, like similar setups in the Audi A8L and the Mercedes-Benz S-Class, snugs the passenger seat to dash (unoccupied, of course) and presents a footrest to the right rear-seater. Other new livery-minded features include an available etched glass moonroof (a panoramic glass roof is standard), a “light carpet” that illuminates the ground from the side mirror to the trunk, and naturally, a perfume atomizer, with not one buttwo interchangeable fragrances. Take that, S-Class. For drivers, the list of goodies includes an enhanced heads-up display, a gorgeous instrument cluster, and an industry-first gesture control that allows one to answer or reject phone calls, raise or lower audio volume, and more with the wave of the hand. The 7’s e’er-more-sophisticated lane-keeping and cruise control systems now more or less match the Benz in terms of nearly robotic driving.

Craftsmanship is another arena in which the 7 makes a huge leap. Perusing the gorgeous inlaid wood veneers and soft leather reminds us that BMW has been the steward of Rolls-Royce Motor Cars since 1998, and while every Roller since then has clearly benefitted from its German benefactors, the 7-Series shows that the relationship is a two-way street. As with every Rolls, authenticity is the tenet here: wood is wood; metal is metal. With luxury like this, the new 7 will certainly do well in certain markets (namely China) where being chauffeured is the rule, not the exception.

Indeed, boosting sales in emerging markets could explain why BMW invested so much into cushifying the new 7, and to an extent, why BMW kept styling updates so cautious. (“Not everyone this rich wants to look this rich,” a wise luxury car salesman once told us.) While every bit and piece is new, the most dramatic visual changes are graphical in nature, including squiggly LED headlamp innards, a wide, chrome-framed grille with aero shutters, and an “air breather” vent behind each front wheel arch that introduces a hockey-stick-shaped lower body garnish.

Base prices start at $82,295 for the 740i and climb to $98,395 for the 750i xDrive. Load them up like our test cars and don’t be shocked if prices approach $130,000. As for the matter of whether BMW has out-luxed the similarly priced S-Class, we may have to spend more time in each side-by-side to find out, because at first blush, the contest for ultimate luxury appears to be uncomfortably close.